Now, where did we leave off?

So much has happened since last time. I don't even know where to begin. We have stopped being friends with Mr. M, we have also stopped being friends with Ms. N, we have reconsidered being friends with Ms. N, we have spoken to Ms. N again, we very slightly kind of sort of started to begin the reconciling process with Ms. N, we have also regretted the reconciliation process, we have been fighting with Mr. Y for the past month and we are very much in a place where we would be walking away from each other.

Let's start with Mr. Y. It's Valentine's Day weekend. We have been arguing for the past month or more even. We've been in this weird funk. I have been in a weird funk myself since Mr. M but that's because of the whole situation at hand. I told myself I'd give this relationship 100%+ attention and focus so that I could build this to be the relationship I wanted it to be. I even told Mr. Y how we could accomplish that and we did it for a little bit and then things went back to shit. We basically ended it around Christmas, then again New Years, then again now it's Valentines Day and we are again fighting and close to ending things. I don't know how to continue. He's just not understanding - this is essentially his first and only real relationship. I try to explain how to do things and all i'm met with is fighting and arguments. He thinks I'm berating him and belittling him. I to an extent understand. There's a lot of things that I do try to change about him. He's racist, he's super judgmental and generalizes, he's not ... established. Educated. Sophisticated. He is going to learn that soon because he just moved out yesterday and will officially living alone for the next 15 months. Now the question is do I wait and see what happens now that he's living on his own, or do I just cut my losses now after 2 1/2 years and find someone who is. I'd like to date someone more like (on paper) Mr. D. He's older, 40 maybe - established, experienced, educated and the rest is to be determined. I'm not saying I "like" him - I don't even know him. He could be rude and toxic. I'm just saying I would like someone more like that. I guess we will find out in the days to come.

Now back to the whole Hurricane saga. In all honestly - because that's what we do here - I'd love for Mr. M and Ms. N to break up and for Mr. M to come back to me and apologize, and for Ms. N to also come back to me and apologize all for me to tell her to FUCK OFF. Especially with her still talking to Mr. S it really drives me nuts! Even Ms. S has told me that things are crazy and that Ms. N has pulled back from her - which is not fair to Ms. S since she hasn't done anything but that's what Ms. N does. She uses friends as a crutch for when her family isn't here. I get it that she claims she's busy. It's hard work at, running, and managing a business but we are all busy. We are all busy with our lives and the different things that go on, but that is no excuse for ignoring your friends. You make time for things in your life that is important. You make time for friends, boyfriends, personal time, etc. She is one of those people that is happy with just family as her people. She is best friends with her sister. That's a good thing, but you need to have other people in your lives. You need to have friends. This weird thing she has where her sister knows about all of our problems and has a say as to what Ms. N does is weird to me. She can't make a decision of any kind without her sister telling her what to do. It's rather toxic. She works for her sister, lives in her sisters house, drives her sisters car, is currently raising her sisters child, has nothing to her name and has no life at all. I can see why no guy has put a ring on it yet. The problem is her and her sister are so judgmental and think their shit doesn't stink but if that was the case then why is she 38 and single? I'm not trying to put a dark cloud over my karma but if she really was all that and a bag of chips she would be married by now. Problem is no guy will be willing to deal with such a toxic incestuous relationship such as hers. I think that's what Ms. S has hinted to me about Mr. M and Ms. N. She can't go visit him - like at all, because she claims her family is SUPER traditional and it should be the boy visiting the girl the entire time, but it's helpful to go see where the other person lives. To hang out with their friends. To see where they hang out. To submerge yourself in their lives. This is the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. It'll be very difficult to really truly get to know a person without knowing their life too. He's come here twice now. He's met her mother and sister. It's barely been two months. I don't know what the rush is. I'm just scared that Mr. M will wake up and realize too late what exactly he's getting himself into. He likes a dominant woman but she takes it to an extreme. Apparently, they've been fighting so I really hope the truth is all starting to come out. I just can't wait for this Hurricane to self implode. Back to what I was saying about Ms. N and Mr. S they're still talking too. If at the end of all of this she goes back to him and they end up together I and Ms. S will be VERY angry at both of them for creating such drama for no reason. Mr. S has claimed that he is no one's "sloppy seconds" but at the same time he's still talking to Ms. N and he is continuing to see her as an option even though it's not straight out saying it. I think he's saying the words because he's hurt and conflicted but he still wants to be with her. I think he's waiting for the day that this whole Hurricane self implodes and he can point and laugh and then be there to pick up the pieces with Ms. N. But i guess we'll have to see what happens.

I just wish sometimes that we had a glass ball or a remote control that we could fast forward and see the future so we can either prepare ourselves for what happens or look forward to what is to come.