... it's been a while

I have no idea where I last left off but I guarantee so much has happened.

Sorry I had to go back and read where I left off. Yall know NOTHING! I haven't even BEGUN to tell this story! Yall don't know about the fight - there's been a second fight - a THIRD and random tiffs inbetween.

Let's get right back to it.

So the night at Ms. S's house. Ms. N and I really got into it. She was spiteful, I was hurt and angry and she just didn't care that I was hurt. She wanted me to "accept things" like she did with me and Mr. D and get over it. What she doesn't understand is that she can't compare the relationship she as with Mr. D to the relationship and feelings I have (well now had) to Mr. M. I'm getting ahead of myself.

So we start talking and it starts off fine. We start explaining to each other our sides of things. As things started to get heated things were said and the one thing that sticks out to me is that she just kept saying "He chose me" like as in she won! That' cut me and cut deep. She knew how I felt about Mr. S and it's like she was being a sore winner. I know that's not really a thing but she really was. She was acting like as if there was a winner and a loser in this situation and I was the loser. I was the one that lost and I was being a sore loser by being hurt over this whole situation. I get that she wanted to go out for something that she felt was rightfully hers, but what she forgot was that she was stepping over a friend in order to do so. (Side note: I'm trying to write this without bringing in knowledge and annetodets from things i've learned since this nights conversation -- which is very hard. I don't know why I didn't get all this out immediately.) Moving on!

We continued to talk and things just got more and more apparent that she was not going to budge. She was stuck in her thoughts that she did nothing wrong - and that I wasn't the one that Mr. S chose and that I need to be happy for her and move on. She didn't want to admin that her dismissing my feelings and not acknowledging my hurt feelings was wrong. What she started to do was attack my relationship with Mr. Y and say that he was immature and basically make me realize that she lost all respect for me the moment I started dating him. She felt that I chose someone who she didn't respect so she didn't have to respect me any longer either. I always wondered why she always held Ms. K in a much higher regard than me. I mean - Ms. K has a much more prestigious job than me, "seems" to have more money and definitely flaunts it more than I do, and is more well known in the community, and is of course older than Ms. N - to which her old school up bringing says you respect your elders, but the way Ms. N acts and the way I act are very different and I must say that without tooting my own horn - I DEFINITELY act much more mature than her many times. I know sure as hell that had this whole situation been on the other foot and she was the one that was hurt the world would be coming to an end.

One thing that I reminded Ms. N was that when Mr. Y and I first started dating I did give her that much respect to say that she could tell me that she was not comfortable with it and that he and I should end it. She claims that she would never have done that because she felt that wasn't her place to make that decision for me - and that IF she had said to stop we wouldn't have because we were already too far into things to stop. I told her that we had only been dating for a couple of months and would have very easily been able to stop because things were still so new and she was my friend first. After that conversation, again, it became very clear that 1. she wouldn't have done the same for me because she doesn't give me the same respect and hold our friendship in the same regard and 2. she doesn't think we would have stopped because SHE wouldn't have stopped because she wouldn't have let anyone else tell her what to do. She does whatever she wants regardless of whatever anyone tells her what to do.

The whole conversation ended basically with us taking a step back. I said I didn't want to know what was going on between the two of them - it was too hard for me. I said i didn't know if we could go back to being friends for some time. Things were just too weird. (Again now knowing what I know - little did I know at that time that Mr. S was already booked to come back to visit Ms. N a week later so in my opinion that conversation was just for show? It was just semantics? Ms. N thought it was going to go very differently and she had no idea that I was going to tell her to fuck off and go suck a dick? That I was going to push my feelings aside? Who the hell knows but all I know is that Karma is a hard working mofo and when Ms. S came back a week or two later they both got covid. Mic fucking drop).

All in all I just don't understand what it is that Ms. N expected to happen from that night. Things have just progressively gotten worse. As I will continue to explain....