...And so it continues

The last couple of weeks my boss has been MIA. It's made me VERY worried about my future. I don't want to be in the same position that I was in last year where I essentially ran out of money. I have been trying to be better with my spending habits, but for some reason it's starting to slip away from me again. Knowing that I am able to get on top of it now before it does get out of control. Similar to my weight. There are so many things that I've lost control over I feel like I'm drowning, without actually drowning. It's more the fact that I know I might or will eventually drown is what's getting me scared.

So to recap, work, my weight, money, my love life .... ALL A MESS!

My weight - I've gained 40 lbs and that's a LOT of weight to gain, especially after the surgery. I shouldn't have. Then again I think that I DEFINITELY fell off the bandwagon. I'm trying to get back on it, but it's hard. I got used to eating carbs again. I got used to snacking again too. I need to cut that out. I had cut them out completely at one point and now to do it shouldn't be hard, but it is. I've tried to get rid of all the carbs but I need to remember what I used to eat before when I didn't eat carbs. What did I cook? What did I used to make? I have to remember. I also have to go back to eating smaller portions. I think I've started to eat more. I want to see if my insurance will cover the shot that I took at one point to lose weight because the Contrave isn't working - or at least it gives me a LOT of headaches.

Tomorrow i'm supposed to talk to my boss about the future of my position at the company and his plans in general. I'm super stressed, and not sure what to do.

Recently also my mom has been scaring me. She's been having memory problems that at first my sisters brushed off as me being overly sensitive to these things but now they are also starting to see and experience those same things. For instance, last week she had me up until midnight one night making me decide which outfit to order from someone in India for Diwali, and we narrowed it down to an outfit and a size. I assumed she handled it and didn't check in. Didn't think I had to. This morning she messaged me asking me which outfit and size I was and why I hadn't gotten back to her. I was SO confused. I was actually also angry because the outfit I wanted was gone in my size "because we waited too long", when she just forgot to send the lady the information.

Okay so this post is more personal - not about how my life can be a TV show but I promise it can be.